Not exactly sure

why all of a sudden I feel like blogging again. I wonder if it is good for my writing, bad for my writing, or has nothing to do with it. Anyway, today had some interesting things about it:

- I moved my cubicle at work. I don't necessarily take change all that well and more than once I have freaked out when people have threatened to move me/move other people around me. I think it's just hte feeling that I can't control the situation. This time, I initiated the move. I didn't move far. I just moved out of the "pod." The pod is an open style 4-cube set up where we basically turn our chairs toward each other and chit chat all day. It's not a bad gig. The only down side is that I get ZERO work done. So I said "see ya later" and banished myself to the other side of the pod. Now I'm back in a one person cube and it's sort of a weird experience. It's quiet, for sure. I have no doubt I'll get more done. Yes, I'm a little lonely and am a little afriad that i've hurt people's feelings, but I guess I (and they) will get over it. Mostly, I feel like I've broken up with a long term lover. It's like I need to learn to think for myself again and fare the world on my own. I think it will be good.

- I'm having a cocktail for teh first time in months. I've had plenty of wine in all that time, but no booze. I think I may be over it. But hey, I got the vodka in my yankee swap, so I might as well drink it.

- I started weight watchers (informallly and unofficially) today. I resisted so much fattening sugar-laden disgusting food today that I should get an award. Another good reason to get out of the pod. It's the dumping ground for free food. and the pod at Xmastime is absolutely insane.

- I'm reading a good book about Africa, called Crossing the Heart of Africa.

Oh! I just remembered that I have to post something on my other blog. I ran a 5K last weekend and killed my former time. It's still really slow and I wish I didn't have to say that and I wonder why I even did. Oh well.

- AND I tried root dying my hair for the first time. I was afraid it would look dumb, but I think it turned out ok. Of course it's still wet and the lighting is poor. HOepfully I don't have a dollop of red in the wrong place.

And that's about all the news for the day.

Waiting for Karma to Bite Me

Ok, so I realize that the last post was negative and ranty. At this point, I really am just waiting for karma to bite me in the ass. And so, as of today, December 15, I resolve to take a deep breath, relax, find the good in people (and there is plenty), and get into the damn Christmas spirit.

Ok, so that' probabaly not going to happen. But I will talk about some good stuff, as a starting point. I've been swimming. For years and years and years (decades even) I've wanted to swim. I love being in the water. I just never knew what to do once I was in the water. It's been on my list forEVER to learn to swim, but I let my self-consciousness about my body and the general intimidatiion factor stop me in the past. No more! I joined a pool a few months ago, with J, and we're going about twice a week, learning from a book how to swim. Tonight, I just felt so comfortable in the pool and it felt awesome. It's frigid cold here with a bit of snow and we were the only two people in the pool. It was great.

Other good things... I had sex the other night! That was momentous. Doesn't happen too often, but when it does, it's a good thing.

And... I made a pretty darn good cheesecake for the holiday potluck. I was also semi in-charge of the potluck, which was more exciting for me than it probably should have been.

I won a bottle of vodka at the yankee swap.

I feel comfortable with, and genuinely like, a large number of the people I work with.

My book is coming along really well. I'm thrilled with it, actually.

I've been playing Charlie Brown Christmas songs on the piano and have remembered how much I love playing, even though I think I'm regressing.

My sister's coming up (why do I always want to say down?) to visit next week.

My Xmas shopping has been done for a month.

I've decided I want a Kitchenaid mixer (ok, that's not really a positive thing, just a totally random thought that seemed worthy of mentioning for some reason).

I'm reading a ton and enjoying it a lot.

Oh! And I'm becoming a literacy tutor. Volunteer orientation next Saturday! That's another thing I've wanted to do for a long time and finally just took the steps to get started.

So, now that I've convinced myself that I'm not a totally terrible person, just a frequently disloyal and bitchy friend, I'm going to floss my teeth and get to bed.

Terrible, terrible friend

I'm not sure if I'm going through a phase, if it's just winter in Maine, or if I've just turned into a bitch, but I've had PMS-like symptoms for a month now. I'm talking irritability, bitchiness, brutal honesty, crabiness... you get the idea. A lot of it is taken out on my boss (stupid man), and the rest is taken out on my so-called friends, who most of the time, I can't stand.

Which of course, I love my friends. In small doses. I love everyone more in small doses, including J (though I can take considerably larger doses of him than anyone else). Anyway, in an attempt to get this out of my system so I can attempt to be nice to these people tomorrow, I'm just gonna bitch.

My friend D. God... she just makes her own bad luck like Ina Garten makes cheesecakes. She whips it up in the kitchen till its got a real good froth, and then smothers it all over herself. She's sweet (in her own way...LOVES animals and will do ANYTHING for an animal in need). She's smart... in some ways. She can get a job done, that's for sure, accurately and without complaining (mostly). So a year ago, she quit her job (where I met her and worked with her) because she didn't like some people and wasn't happy about changes going on at the company. I have to admit I kind of wanted her to leave, just because she can be very negative and moods wear off on my easily. She begged her old boss to hire her at her new company - she said she would clean the toilets...she didn't care. She took a pay cut (dumb) and left a pretty good gig, because of basically emotional reasons (dumb). So, it sucked over there and though she didn't have to clean toilets, she did have to clean chicken fryolaters (sp?). So she quit, burning her new boss pretty badly, and so feeling guilty about it and offering her freelance services at a reduced rate (dumb). She gets a new job, takes another pay cut (dumb), hates it, gets on reduced hours, starts freelancing at my company (where she hated it before but now is begging to come back to (dumb...never ever repeat your mistakes, even if you're convinced you fucked up IMHO). Then she quits her new job to freelance at my place wihtout any guarantee of how long it will last (DUMB) even knowing that my boss (her ex-boss) isn't thrilled with her and the director utterly hates her. So she's freelancing, and a whole bunch of people treat her like shit (she also treated certain people like shit while she was there...um, karma?), and has to take it because now she has no options and will most likely be completely without a job in 2 weeks. P.S. She cries every day over this and I feel guilty for not being able to do anything (though I don't want to anyway because I don't think I could deal with her every day).

Next, her cat died a year ago. The cat had problems and she kenw it. It was also a bit of a mean cat. But she's still crying over it. I AM sympathetic, but don't use your cat's death as proof that you are doomed in the world.

Then her house was completely ransacked. Ok, that sucked. Big time. A year ago.

Her house won't sell so she's stuck in the country.

So clearly she has it harder and rougher than anyone in the history of the universe. And if you try to tell her to look at the bright side, good luck to you. Yes, I've tried and regretted it every time.

Sigh... I feel bad for the girl, but snap out of it! Tell my company to fuck off and go wait tables if you have to. Pick yourself up off the ground and go off into the world fighting. She IS a fighter. She just needs to stop fucking crying.

Ok, so I'm mean. But I really just want the best for her. And now I have no energy left to complain about the rest of my friends. Darn! I"m going to finish making my cheesecake for my potluck, watch a netflix and get to bed early because I am tired!