stressed, drunk, and hypochondriatic

That's me!

So much going on, and all of it stressing me out. Where shall I start?

My health-having a pain, which I am self-diagnosing as ovarian cancer...in most worst moments anyway. I like to think of myself as psychiatrically savvy (do I? Really?) or at least a little bit ...what is the word?? not perseverant.. .remumeriance? that's not a word.. RESILIENT! whew. That was gonna bug me. But when it comes to my health, I am such a pussy. Even though I tell myself all day "It's probably nothing...you'll be fine... this has happened before" in between telling everyone around me "I"M DYING! UGH!" I do get increcibly stressed out when something is wrong with my health. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow morning and am equally stressed out about that, probably because the last time I went to the doctor, she said to me "Well, You're not giving me a lot to go on. I don't know what's wrong with you."

Grrr.. But to be fair that was before I switched to Dr. T, who I love. He has been good to me and I secretly want to marry him, even though he's quite a bit older than me and not particularly attractive. But anyway, he's nice. The problem now is that I have a LOT of symptoms and I'm pretty convinced that most of them are related to stress. However, there is one symptom that I've had for a while, which though may have been exacerbated by stress, was present several months ago. ANYWAY, enough about my aches and pains.

So work is totally stressful. In - sometimes - a kind of cool way. There is this culture of overworking there, that sometimes I buy into, and get a kick out of. There's also a lot of psychological head games that go on, mostly started by alpha bitches who were mistakenly given vaginas instead of penises when God handed out parts. I've never seen so many allpha bitches in my life actually. But you know what, I'm not changing. Fuck them.

What else? Well.. I've been tutoring someone, which has been the most incredible experience probably ever in my lfie. I love it. I feel so natural and wonderful and helpful. And it makes me look at my day job like it's a red headed stepchild and I'm a blonde, if you know what I mean. Which in a weird way, is kind of stressful.

And I've been making jewelry, and it's becoming a bit of an obsession. And I've been working on my book, but not so much. And I'm wiped out. So tired. And not exercising, but losing oodles of weight on weight watchers. 10 pounds so far and I feel gosh darn it, pretty normal looking right now, which is an improvement from feeling like a blow up doll characature of myself.

And I have a new boss! Who is my friend. And I thought it woudl be weird (as did everyone else) but it's actually great. And my marriage, well, is getting to be a little weird. it was kind of great for a while. And now I feel very detached from him. We're both so busy. And I know I should work on it, but I get tired sometimes.

And.... I know I should post more often so I don't overwhelm with 16 page long posts, but gosh, life is busy.